As I shared here last week, this trip to Vermont was my first solo road trip with both of our children. (Our friends’ nine-year-old daughter also joined us.)

The plan was for Papa to enjoy some much deserved down time, visit with friends, sleep in as late as he wanted to, and just relax alone at home, while the rest of us visited with my aunt and uncle in Vermont.

As we were gearing up for the trip I felt excited, confident, and really open to letting the five-day trip unfold as it was meant to.

And then about three days before our trip, I started sliding into my old pattern of pre-vacation stress. The energy started moving really fast as I was trying to finish up a few work projects before we left, while doing laundry and trying to get us packed.

I started to resent my beloved and the time he was going to get alone while I was doing solo-kid-duty. I started to think about past road trips and the frustration I’ve felt since becoming a mom, walking past antique stores, yarn shops, bead shops, book stores and cozy little cafés so we can take yet another trip to the library and the playground.

And then I decided to do something totally different.

I stopped doing laundry and worrying about what we would wear. (Two outfits each, which could be alternated and washed when needed, worked just fine. ;-) I took advantage of some babysitting time to get my work done and then I took a day – a whole day – to relax and play.

While the kids had some special Papa time, I played tourist 20 minutes from our house. I dined when and where I wanted to. I treated myself to a new pair of sneakers. I had a reflexology session. I got completely lost in a (new-to-me) antique store and bought myself three vintage aprons. Just because.

And then I went to my monthly mother’s sharing circle and was absolutely transported by the magic of relaxing and breathing and sharing with the wonderful women who attended the circle.

And what a difference it made.

There were still a few store windows in Montpelier that I looked into longingly while we made our way from the playground to the toy store, and of course there were moments of frustration during the inevitable tantrums and sibling arguments that occurred, but overall I was a much more relaxed, calm, happy mama thanks to my pre-vacation fun day (and my new sneakers that make me smile every time I look at them ;-). 

It’s taken me five years and a lot of frustration and tears to get here, but oh is it wonderful to finally be in this place of not just saying the words but fully living and understanding just how important it is to honor my needs and take care of myself.  

So wonderful.

We drove up in the rain. Drove home in the rain. And spent a couple of afternoons on the porch watching and listening to the rain. And we had an absolute blast!

Here are a few highlights:

:: At Overlook Farm, Heifer International’s learning farm in Rutland, Mass. (A wonderful place to visit if you are traveling through central Mass. Just lovely.)

:: At Auntie Linda and Uncle Bill’s house visiting chickens, watching the rain fall, and enjoying a new backhoe on a cookie tray filled with dry lentils.

:: A visit to Turkey Hill Farm where Linda and Bill buy their fresh milk weekly. While we were there, Lily got to meet Lily the cow and name two previously unnamed piglets. (She named them “Muddy” and “Messy”.)

:: A visit and a tour of the Spider Web Farm.

:: Traveling with our friend, the sweetest, most wonderful nine-year-old you could ever ask for was a definite highlight of the trip. As was spending some time with Jen Lashua of Love and Tea Co. and her beautiful children and stopping for a sleepover on our way home to visit my friend Mandy and her three beautiful girls. (I believe my exact report to John via cell phone, just an hour after calling him because I just didn’t think I could last one. more. second. in the car with a tantruming five-year-old, was: All is well. The Mamas are drinking wine, the Papa is making brownies and the kids are having a blast!) Such a great visit!

:: And my aunt’s cooking. Oh my! That is always a highlight of our visits to Vermont, a trip we have been making annually for the past five years.

Such a wonderful trip. But oh-so-nice to be home.

Welcome to a new weekly(ish) feature here at exhale. return to center…

b r e a t h i n g  s p a c e. 

Those of you who have taken yoga classes with me in the past may recognize some of the passages I will share. They are some of my favorite post-savasana readings, which I will be pairing with a photograph to hopefully help all of us to remember to pause and create a little more breathing space in our busy days!

I will also share a question(s) for reflection with each entry. Please feel free to respond to the question here, explore it privately in your journal, or just take a few minutes and hold it quietly in your heart.

And now let’s begin with a deep breath in and a deep breath out…

 hearing your inner voice

“My dad always used to say, “If you take a step and it feels good, you must be headed in the right direction.” What he wanted us to understand was that we needed to measure our progress against an inner compass, using our feelings, our comfort level, and our knowledge of ourselves as the ultimate guide…

I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to hear that inner voice above the noise around me…It says softly that happiness is as simple as having something to look forward to in the morning…It says, in a low murmur I sometimes have to strain to hear, that now is the time to have fun.”

~ Linda Weltner, in No Place Like Home

Pause for another deep, full breath.

Questions for further reflection:

Are you able to hear your inner voice above the noise around you? Do you set aside time for quiet inner listening? How in tune are you with your inner compass? 

Conclude with another deep, full breath in. And a deep, full breath out.

And now my friends, I am going to give myself some breathing  space. 

I am leaving Saturday for my first solo road trip with my kids (plus one!) and before we go I have a newsletter to produce, several articles to write, laundry to do, a car to pack, a mothers’ circle to lead on Friday night, and two beautiful children to enjoy in the process.

I woke up this morning with my head spinning, feeling totally overwhelmed by all that I need to do, but instead of doing anything, I decided to lay in bed quietly and listen to my inner voice. As I felt around for what I could take off my plate and how I could ensure that our much-anticipated vacation does not involve a growling, stressed-out mama, I remembered that I blog by choice, for fun, and that I can take a break any time I want to and right about now feels like the perfect time to do so.

A week of blog posts off the plate. Ahhhh….that works for me!

And now it’s on to the laundry…

See you back here next week. Be well friends.

(Don’t know why but the spam has been a-flyin’ around here lately. And since I’m going to be “unplugged” for the next several days, I’m just going to go ahead and close these comments. Happy weekend all!) 

The strawberry celebrations have continued around here. Last week my friend Amanda invited us to join her at a lovely farm (Sweet Berry Farm in Middletown for those who are local) for some more strawberry picking.

The sun was shining (a rare treat lately!). The kids were happy. Conversation was flowing. And we got a little carried away with our picking. Thirty-something pounds of berries later we all headed back to Amanda’s house for our first foray into making and canning jam.

I am not even going to attempt to share any sort of jam-making tutorial or recipe (we consulted several and then went with the one that came in the pectin box), but instead thought I would share some photos and my sincere encouragement — if we can do this, you can too. Seriously. It was chaotic and crazy and totally fun. And I highly recommend it!

I was going to take a photo of the nice plate of toast with jam that I laid out for the kids but when I returned with my camera the plate was empty and happy jam-faced children were scurrying back outside.

{Just for the record, picking of berries and eating of jam were the only contributions made by the kids this time around. They occasionally popped into the kitchen to check out what we were doing but spent most of the afternoon running and playing outside. Having been through the process once now, I can see places where they could help in the future like removing stems and crushing berries, but for our first time through, which included panicked phone calls to the pectin company’s very helpful “jamline” and to our friend, Alycia, the canning queen, who drove over to help us, it was definitely a mamas-only work session.}

chaos continues…

no place to sit

tripping over toys

laundry everywhere (except in drawers).

compost fermenting on the counter

a tower of dishes in the sink.

writing beckons –

but is quickly interrupted (again).

wanting to go with the flow

but noticing…

feelings of restlessness building.

another week of rain they say.

really?

and then we spot her –

a hummingbird

outside our window

building her nest

collecting…building…leaving…returning…

without rest.

in the rain.

she exudes peace.

june 2004

This weekend is a big one for us. Tomorrow we will celebrate a beautiful girl’s fifth birthday. Saturday there will be the usual farmers market festivities followed by Solstice celebrations, and Sunday we will honor Papa (and Grandpa and Grandpapa) at a picnic with our extended family.

So much to reflect on. So many beautiful memories in our hearts to share. But not just now. Now there is birthday art to be created, a cake to make (Can you make me a cake just like Miss Anne’s cakes, Mama?), and a beautiful almost-five-year-old who has just gently interrupted my writing and invited me to play “birth network meeting” (where a group of mamas dress up fancy and get together to talk about what they love about being mamas and what’s hard about being mamas ;-). 

Oh my. Life is good.

june 2009

Last month, thanks to a mealy moth infestation, I had to completely clean out our pantry - a closet that has been plagued with clutter for as long as I can remember.

This was certainly not a 15-minute project, but instead was a 2-3 hour project spread out over the course of two weeks, tackled in 15-20 minute bits.

There were many moments of absolute chaos during the process, but there was also a deep sense of peace in the natural growing pains that were occurring. You see, for as long as I can remember, I have also wanted to have organized pantry shelves filled with organic, whole food ingredients, rather than jumbled boxes of processed foods.

And finally, thanks to a blessing that came in the disguise of small winged pests, I do.

I present to you, the pantry before:

The pantry (and the kitchen shelves) during:

And our new, MUCH improved pantry, a place that instead of overwhelming me and zapping my energy, now brings me joy and inspires me to create healthy meals for our family:

In the bottom left corner is our basket of grab-and-go foods - granola bars, crackers, pretzels, juice boxes etc. The rest are raw, whole food ingredients (all of which were placed in the freezer for three days to kill off any potential moths ;-)!

And I couldn’t be more pleased — and grateful for the uninvited guests that gave me the motivation I needed to finally take action!

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

For a fun and eclectic list of things that are working in other families, check out Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family.

After all the rain we had last week, we were delighted to finally see the sun this weekend and to get down to the garden and find our first red strawberries. The first harvest was modest but oh-so-satisfying. The kids gobbled them down as fast as we could pick them, pausing (briefly) in between berries to wax poetic about how there’s nothing better than fresh strawberries straight out of your very own garden.

Agreed.

Well…except maybe fresh strawberries, warm from the mid-day sun, picked later that day at your CSA farm.

Or…what made it home of those berries, smothered in fresh whipped cream for dessert that night.

Nothing better.

This week’s challenge presented by Erin at apples for poppy anne was to be on the lookout for contrast.

She writes:

Today I thought about contrast. 

I thought about how nothing in nature rushes, though everything is accomplished.  I thought about how when we take life one step at a time all things are manageable.  Just look at how roots of a tree can crack and destroy concrete foundations or how a steady drip of water can, over time, bore holes and trenches in impossible places.  Vines and trees devour walls and fences.  Nature won’t stop, not even for a moment, to consider how to remove the barrier to its growth. It simply keeps growing until whatever was in its way relents, compromises, bows, cracks, bends, opens, and surrenders.  And so, if we decide to take a lesson from nature, we learn that slow and soft persistence is often the ideal route when faced with the seemingly impenetrable.

This week, I encourage you to find contrast in your life and in nature. 

I was excited to receive this challenge but quickly found myself getting way too focused in my head about it…trying to force visualize the perfect photo and then go hunt it down…reminding myself how I’ve proven time and time again that this mode of operating doesn’t work for me…deciding maybe I would just skip this week’s challenge since I’m just so busy anyway.

And then on Friday afternoon, in the midst of a absolutely magical visit to our CSA farm, I turned around after taking this photo of a pregnant sow and spotted this tiny ladybug. As I snapped the photo, I smiled at the beautiful contrast Mother Nature had presented to me, not when I was searching for it but when I was simply following my Bliss.

I am grateful for this experience that reminded me what works for me:

:: Politely asking my hyperactive, monkey brain to be quiet, step aside and allow my heart lead.

:: Letting go of my insistence on how things “should” be and finding the beauty - however small it may be - in what is.

:: Getting lost in my Bliss as often as possible, in as many ways as possible.

:: Allowing the magic to unfold.

These are things I have been learning and relearning about myself and my creative process for over a decade (before that I pushed ahead, perfect idea in my head and now, with clenched jaw and knotted stomach, I will make it happen – a way of being that nearly destroyed me).

And this I believe is the ultimate contrast. The softness of inviting, allowing and appreciating versus the intensity of demanding, forcing and criticizing.

It was a long hard road for me to get here. But I am so grateful to finally be here in this more peaceful place, catching myself when I start to slip down my old perfectionist roads, and sliding back into this gentler, softer way of being.

And I am grateful for kindred spirits who follow their Bliss, sharing their creative products and process with the world and encouraging me to do the same.