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the farm girl’s first day

September 6, 2010 in farms + food, living + learning, parenting | 10 comments

I took a little time off from blogging last week to focus my attention on helping our favorite Farm Girl transition into her first week of kindergarten – and what a smooth and lovely transition it was!

On the first day, before heading to the bus stop, we took a walk around our yard while talking about all the wonderful things we did this summer and what kindergarten might be like.

We visited our garden (which has expanded out into the grass) and discovered our first green pumpkin peeking out from under the leaves.

Next Lily said goodbye to the chickens, which I promised to take very good care of while she was at school.

And then we headed out to the bus stop where we waited and chatted some more until suddenly, before I knew it this happened.

[This, by the way, would be the moment that Mama completely forgot how to breathe. Luckily Papa was willing to trail the bus to school and provide on the scene reports via text message to soothe the anxious Mama back home.]

Three hours later, she was back. Absolutely beaming while she reported that…

“School is SO AWESOME Mama!!”

We enjoyed lunch together and then we did what we do.

We packed up the car and headed off to work where Lily was greeted like a celebrity by the farm crew, which she soaked up for a few minutes and then got right to work doing her chores (checking on the calves and helping her brother to bring fresh greens to the rabbits) before we headed off to the market.

Once we got to the market she opted to play with her brother a little less and wait on customers a little more.

“Because,” she told Quinn. “I’m much more of a big kid now that I’m a kindergartner.”

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morning glory

July 7, 2010 in parenting, shifting perspective | 15 comments

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I hope you enjoy this entry that was originally posted on my old blog in July of 2008. It was a real treat for me to revisit it and I’ve added a few thoughts from today as a post script at the end.

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My son Quinn has always been an early riser but this summer he’s taken it to a new level — up for the day by 5 a.m.

For the past several weeks I have been starting my days being angry at him and anyone else who happened to cross my path because I just don’t want to be on toddler duty at 5 a.m.

It’s not even that I want to sleep in. It’s just that I like to start my day slowly and quietly — two concepts that my two-year-old just doesn’t seem to get!

In my perfect world I would wake up between five and six and slip downstairs alone for a walk or some yoga, followed by a cup of tea and time to write in my journal. Then I would get breakfast ready for my loving children who would wander downstairs (fully dressed and in pleasant moods!) around 7:30.

And I have a feeling we’ll get there someday! (If Quinn follows in his sleepy-head sister’s footsteps.)

But in the meantime Quinn has been wide awake and clambering into our bed at 5 a.m. for several weeks now and I have been growing increasingly more annoyed — at him for being awake so early, and at John for somehow managing to sleep through the onslaught of exuberance.

Over the weekend I decided that I’ve had enough.

I don’t like waking up angry. I don’t like resenting my beautiful son. And I really, really need to figure out a way to have my smooth, peaceful morning that I desire so I’m not walking around in an angry, foggy haze all morning.

So I decided that no matter what the time or how I am awoken, I am going to choose to wake up in a pleasant mood, filled with gratitude and excitement for the coming day.

On Monday morning when not just Quinn — but also Lily, who was SO excited for her first day of camp that she just couldn’t sleep! — arrived bedside at 4:45, I offered to take them on an “animal walk” (a walk in the double stroller to look for dawn-loving critters).

With a couple of pieces of toast to munch on, full sippy cups and a camera, we set off!

The only critters we saw were birds, but that was enough to entertain the kids and give me some time to mentally run through the coming day.

Since then Quinn and I have taken two more early morning walks and I’m not sure who is enjoying it more!

Here are some photos from our recent adventures…

We came up over the hill this morning and our neighbor’s horses were at the fence waiting to greet us!

Then two swans entertained us.

“The waterfall is amazing, Mama. Waterfall makes Kin (Quinn) feel happy!”

Thank you Quinn, for inspiring your Mama to stretch out of her comfort zone. I love this special time that we’ve created together!

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July, 2010 update: What a difference two years makes. This summer Quinn is the official ”sleepy head” of the family, often waking up a full hour (or more!) after the rest of us. True to form, he is still inspiring me to stretch out my comfort zone as we continue to explore ways to honor who he is and help him to express his boundless energy in ways that work for him and those around him. Looking back, I count this experience (of noticing and naming something that really was NOT working for me and finding one small way to bring it closer to alignment with what does work for all of us) as a major turning point in my mothering experience. And I hold these special morning walks with my son in a very special place in my Mama heart.

 

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finding my mama groove

June 30, 2010 in essays+reflections, nurturing creativity, parenting | 16 comments

When you take a vacation with me there are things that will be missing.

Hairbrushes. Deodorant for Mama. (Sorry kids.) A map of the subway system that my husband kindly printed out for us. Band Aids.

All were forgotten.

There are also many things that you will not get to do. Children’s museums and aquariums packed wall-to-wall with people.

Sorry. Not Mama’s thing – and definitely not while flying solo in the city.

Double-decker buses and amphibious vehicle tours. I’d love to — really I would – but at $30+ a person, it’s just not going to happen.

But what I am realizing more and more as I walk this path of mindful parenting is that simply being present – with all my quirks and foibles and limitations – is one of the best gifts I can give my children.

So yeah. I forgot about Band Aids. And when my son fell and skinned his knee racing into the train station at the start of our trip, I really questioned myself and the time I spent carefully packing my vintage suitcase with reporter-style notebooks, pens, pencils, and crayons - without even once thinking about the possibility of needing a Band Aid.

But you know what I found out?

Most public places (including train stations) have first aid kits. And perfect strangers can be very generous and compassionate when faced with a sobbing four year old with a scraped knee and a slightly frazzled mother in need of assistance.

And once Band Aids are in place and you realize that your train is running 40 minutes late, boy is it wonderful to crack open a suitcase filled with art supplies!

Our notebooks and crayons went with us everywhere in the city.

Sometimes I prompted the kids by encouraging them to capture the essence of a place through the colors or the shapes that they saw. Other times, I simply took out my own notebook and began sketching, which often led them to do the same.

One of my sketches from Boston Common.

I was trying to remember my high school art classes and how to capture the perspective of the benches without getting too hung up on those kinds of technical details. (Note to self: Quick sketches are good for helping you to relax and focus on process, not product. Keep doing them!)

Quinn shows off his drawing inspired by the metal drainage grates in the Tadpole Playground in Boston Common and Lily works on one of her sketches.

On our second morning, I attempted to make sense of the city map I bought at a visitor’s center…

…but quickly decided to scrap the map because honestly we had everything we needed in and around the Common and the Public Garden! 

Sometimes I wonder what the adventure-seeking, big-dreaming, 20-year old version of me would think about this life that I am living.

Yet as I confidently guided my children through the city – wearing my pig-tales and Chuck Taylors – she was right there with me. Loving every moment.

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*** This post – one of the longest I have written in months – is brought to you in part by the always-inspiring Rachel Turiel at 6512-and Growing, who inspires me with her words, cheers me on with her comments, and nudges me every so gently, always at just the right time, to keep moving forward as a writer.

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kindergarten can wait

April 27, 2010 in living + learning, parenting

Last spring, as kindergarten registration loomed and I watched as my daughter’s friends’ parents made plans for their children, I did nothing.

“She’s just not ready,” I told my mother one day, when she asked what we would be doing for school the following fall.

“You’re not ready,” she responded.

I don’t remember what I said in response (it was basically the 35-year-old equivalent of “Whatever Mom”) but in the weeks that followed her words stayed with me.

Read more at kidoinfo.com…

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sharing the journey

April 7, 2010 in essays+reflections, parenting | 28 comments

The roots of Lily’s tree, which we planted along with her placenta, shortly after her birth. This week the kids and I are tucking the roots, which have been scratched bare by our chickens, back into the soil. While we work, we talk about how this tree (as well as Quinn’s) has grown and changed as we have grown and changed.

Before John and I had children, we rarely fought. We weathered an incredibly fierce storm (one that I have alluded to a few times but not yet shared publicly) the year before we married and for the most part everything after that tunnel of darkness felt like sunshine and rainbows.

We have similar values. We spend money in much the same way. We have many overlapping interests – from music to movies – and we generally support (or at least tolerate) each other’s outside interests (his - football and politics; mine - yoga, farming and whatever new age-y books / classes /workshops strike my fancy).

There just wasn’t a whole lot to fight about – other than the occasional roommate-type squabbles about toilet seats or dirty dishes.

Fast forward a couple of years. I’m home full time with a toddler and a baby. John’s working two jobs trying to keep a roof over our heads. I’m exhausted all the time. He’s exhausted all the time. Everything in our house is breaking in rapid succession and there is no money in the budget for repairs. (Hell there’s not even a budget at this point. Just paycheck-to-paycheck prayers that somehow the checks we’re writing are not going to bounce.) I’m nursing around the clock. Nobody is sleeping through the night.

And you know what?

We quickly found things – many things – to fight about.

And the more we fought, the more stressful life got and the more we pulled away from each other and focused on “surviving” our days without any help from the other. And the more we pulled away from each other the more the little roommate-type squabbles, hissed under our breath so that little ones would not hear, became just about the only words we exchanged. 

I’m not going to detail some of the darkest moments that we experienced during this time – the kind of moments when bags get packed and a couch at your parents’ house feels like a better option than the life you are living.

Because somewhere in the midst of all the pain and anger we found each other again. Somehow we were able to step back and look at the path we were on and realize that we didn’t want to go where it leads. And that slowly, and ever so tenderly, if we began taking baby steps back towards each other and the love we once shared, we might be able to find our way through the muck.

And for the last year-and-a-half or so that’s just what we’ve been doing. Talking to each other. Loving each other. Checking in with each other.  Working together as a team. Making decisions together. Doing small things to brighten each other’s days.

And finally – once again – seeing and bringing out the best in each other.

This past weekend was absolutely nutty. On Saturday, while John and our friend changed the water tank in the basement (only to discover that unfortunately that was not where the air in our pipes is coming from), and attempted to repair the washing machine and dryer, I was at the Laundromat with the kids doing eight loads of laundry.

We did not make it home ‘til after 9 p.m. and once the kids were finally asleep in their beds and the chicks were all settled into their new pen (wait…have I even told you that we have 12 little balls of fluff living in our living room?) John and I looked at each other for the first time in days.

He smiled and my whole body instantly softened. 

For the next couple of hours we sipped wine, worked on rhymes for an Easter morning treasure hunt, and caught up on everything.

The second half of our Florida trip. The five hours I spent at a walk-in clinic getting drugs for the plane ride home. The tree-cutting adventure he went on last weekend. The death of a family friend. The floods. My parents’ basement. His mother’s basement. The backhoe we may need to rent to search for the leak in the water line. My new (quickly-expanding) job at our friend’s farm and the cows I will be milking very soon. The much-anticipated parents-only road trip we will be taking this summer. On and on the conversation (and the wine) flowed.

What a trip this whole marriage / parenting / homeowner / being a grown-up gig is. So glad I am once again sharing the journey hand-in-hand with my best friend.

gathering :: mamaste mothers’ circles

February 10, 2010 in events, parenting, self-care | 11 comments

 

People often ask me what happens at my monthly mothers’ circles and I tend to find myself bumbling for words.

It reminds me of many years ago, when I was doing my yoga training and we would have a three hour practice followed by intense discussions about reincarnation and past life experiences and Kundalini energy. I’d come home after being at the studio for 8+ hours and never know how to answer when John asked, “So, how was your day?”

The Mothers’ Circles I lead are nowhere near as intense as my yoga training, but they are similar in that they transport me (and others I am told) to another place.

I usually begin by leading some sort of guided relaxation/meditation while everyone rests in Savasana, encouraging us to unplug from the details of our days and open our hearts to a larger view of our lives.

From there we move into some introspective journal writing (while sipping tea and nibbling chocolate!!). And finally we move into a Sharing Circle, which for me is where the real magic happens.

What takes place in the Sharing Circle varies from month to month and you will never hear me talk about specifics because one of the most important elements of the Circle is that of confidentiality.

But I can tell you a few things…

Mamaste Mothers’ Circles are a place of non-judgment.

We come together as women and mothers who breastfeed and bottle feed, who work exclusively in the home, full time out of the home, and everywhere in between. We come from different economic and cultural backgrounds and have differing spiritual beliefs. Some of us are partnered, while others are parenting alone. One of us may be struggling with the heart-wrenching pain of infertility or pregnancy loss while her sister sitting next to her is desperately trying to summon the strength to face an unplanned pregnancy.

We are thriving and we are hurting.

And when we enter the Circle together…

We are One.

We listen without interrupting, correcting or questioning as each woman shares what is in her heart and on her mind. We laugh together and cry together.

We support each other.

We close each Circle by bowing to each other and saying, Mamaste – the Mother in me recognizes and honors the Mother in you.

And then we part ways, returning to our loved ones (hopefully) feeling supported and expanded and renewed.

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Edited to add: This was very challenging for me to write and although it conveys a lot of what I hoped, I think in many ways it still falls short. I hope that some of the mothers who have attended Circle with me (or who have attended something similar elsewhere) will chime in and share their experiences.

Also, I want to share a wonderful resource, The Millionth Circle, for those who might be interested in starting a Circle of their own.

exhale audio :: the mortgage payment

February 5, 2010 in essays+reflections, exhale audio, parenting | 7 comments

Thank you so very much for your warm embrace of my newfound love of all things audio! I am grateful for the supportive comments and e-mails I’ve received and smile every time I read that you are folding laundry and unloading your dishwashers while enjoying exhale. audio.

I wrote this piece in February, 2005 and it was published the following month in RI Family Magazine. (The audio is about 4 1/2 minutes long.)

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the mortgage payment :: audio | text

 

 

Happy weekend friends.

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steady days :: interview + book giveaway

February 1, 2010 in exhale audio, exhale interviews, parenting | 48 comments

I found my way to Jamie Martin’s beautiful blog, Steadymom.com, shortly after she launched it in December of 2008. As I followed along with her journey, I felt a connection with Jamie and the work she is doing — both in her home and in the world at large – and have enjoyed many inspiring e-mail exchanges with her over the past year.

It is my great pleasure to share my first exhale audio interview with Jamie Martin, author of Steady Days, creator of Steadymom.com, and mother of three beautiful little people.

The interview is about 45 minutes long so I divided it into two sections (aprox. 26 min. and aprox. 18 min.)  in hopes of making it more convenient for you to listen to.

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jamie martin phone interview 1.30.10 : part one | part two

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Please keep in mind as you listen to this interview that this was my first time interviewing in this format. It is far from perfect. You’ll hear me awkwardly interrupt or talk over Jamie a few times (sorry Jamie!) and I most definitely need to find a way to get a better sound quality for future interviews. But I hope you will be able to look past the surface blemishes, because the content is rich and beautiful.

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Links to places and things discussed during our interview:

Jamie’s Blogging Resolutions

Moms Unplugged (Don’t waste time online)

Steady Moms’ 30-Minute Blog Challenge

Steady Mom Contributors

Love146.org

SimpleHomeschool.net

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The Giveaway:

For a chance to win a signed copy of Jamie’s beautiful new book Steady Days, simply leave a comment here between now and Friday, Feb. 5 at 8 a.m. EST when I will close the comments and select a winner.

For a second chance to win, help spread the word about this interview and giveaway: Blog about it, tweet about it, link to it on facebook, e-mail your sister, tell your neighbor, share it with your playgroup. It’s all good!! Just be sure to come back here and leave a second comment telling us what you did to help spread the word.

Comments closed. I’ll be back later today to announce the winner!

 Good Luck + thank you Jamie!

in this moment

January 4, 2010 in family+career, mindful moments, parenting | 8 comments

It has been great having John home with us since Christmas. Really great. Today he returns to work and we will all begin easing our way back into the rhythm of everyday.

I’m looking forward to sharing my contribution to the One Small Change project created by Hip Mountain Mama, hosting my first Mamaste Mothers’ Circle this Friday, announcing the amazing, just-confirmed line-up for my 2nd Annual Evening of Refreshment, and sharing some very special interviews and giveaways with you.

But not just yet.

Right now I am meditating on these inspiring words shared by Rachel at 6512 and Growing and trying to stay present to what is.

And right now what is includes two beautiful children with one more week of school vacation and a whole lot of snow for us to play in and photograph and be mesmerized by as we watch it fall outside our window like we’re in some kind of giant inside-out snow globe.

Wishing us all moments of peace and presence in this first week, of the first month, of this new year.

presents for mama

December 4, 2009 in mindful moments, parenting | 18 comments

After reading an inspiring article in Family Fun Magazine (I just love their Family Traditions department) about how one family created a game to help their children practice receiving gifts and expressing gratitude, our family has been having a great time playing our own little gift game.

 

We take turns wrapping toys and household items in our favorite playsilks and presenting them to each other. The receiver thanks the giver and then says “something nice” about the gift. The fun is in choosing silly and strange objects and seeing what kinds of creative compliments the receiver comes up with.

 

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One morning this week while I was cleaning up the kitchen the kids called me in to the living room where I found this scene set up under the tree.

 

 

“They are for you, Mama! Open them! Open them!” they squealed.

 

I slowly peeled the soft silk off each package and uncovered my own treasured books gathered from one of our many bookshelves. 

 

Later while the kids were at school I sat down and looked through my presents.  

 

 

Some of these books are filled with underlines and highlights and dog-eared pages. Others are ones I really wanted to read but have just never quite been able to get into.

 

They are all the kind of books that require a good amount of focus and attention and quiet to enjoy – three things this constantly-creating, over-analyzing, always multi-tasking mama finds incredibly challenging.

 

But these things…more quiet (internally and externally)…more focus (in my work and my creative endeavors)…more attention (to the small details that mean so much to my children and our family)…are what I keep identifying over and over as what I most need.

 

It is in moments like these, when my two non-readers “randomly” select books off a shelf to give me as part of a game, that I can so clearly feel Divine forces at work.

 

And I can see how my children, whom I often refer to as my greatest teachers, present me with exactly the lessons I am needing. Sometimes these lessons are wrapped in chaos and tears, and other times, like on this quiet December morning, they are wrapped in silk and lovingly placed under a tree. 

 

 

 Happy Weekend friends!

 

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