life as a writer

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the more things change…

August 16, 2010 in family+career, life as a writer, living our dreams! | 11 comments

I have been blogging in this space several times a week (ahem…with the exception of this month) for the past two years.

Prior to exhale. return to center. I had two blogs – one on which I documented my days as a writer, yoga teacher, Birth Network founder, aspiring author, who was struggling like heck in the role of stay-at-home-mom, and another where I fancied myself a farmer and nurtured my happy little homesteading dreams.

I remember in the summer of 2008 before I merged the two blogs how things started to feel very uncomfortable.

Through my involvement in our CSA, farming was becoming more and more a part of “every day.” I wanted to find a way to bring everything together and I was searching for the common thread in all that I do.

As I played around with blog platforms and thought about my intended audience and what I wanted to share, I realized that although much of what I share is about my struggles and my shortcomings it is always with the intention of honoring where I am in my growth as a person and continuing to move forward.

And that to do this, I must — on a daily basis — exhale. return to center. 

Earlier this summer, a dear friend shared some wise words with me. ”What we have had to learn and overcome ourselves is our greatest gift to share in our teaching.” 

At the time I remember joking with her that my gift must be being a crazy Type-A perfectionist who is stressed way too much so I can keep learning new ways to recenter myself and share it with others.

Geez. What a gift. I thought.

And yet somewhere in my sarcasm there was truth.

I am not a person who naturally floats through life with peace and equanimity. I am by my very nature a bit restless and unsettled. (I’m told this is one of the things that makes me a good writer.) There is much that I am called to do in this world. I am constantly evolving. Refining. Seeking. Growing.

Although I have been practicing yoga for nearly 15 years now and teaching in one form or another for the past eight years, I am still very much a beginner on this path. I share my days with a runaway train of a mind that I must continually slow down and redirect.

And writing and photography and connecting with all the beautiful Souls who visit this space help me to do just that.

So here I am. Two years and several hundred blog posts later. Life is wonderful and amazing. So many of my dreams are daily realities. And yet still there is discomfort.

For the better part of this year I have been a working mother — a brand new role for me — and as you may have gleaned from my recent (very sparse) blog posts, it has been a major adjustment for me and for our family.

I absolutely love the work that I am doing. I love the ways our world has expanded and our community has grown.

But (of course) this new, very different rhythm in our days has not been without its challenges. And although I’ve been racing around all summer telling myself that I don’t have time to relax and I don’t have time to cook and I don’t have time to blog, that is not true.

No matter how fast I am moving, it only takes one conscious moment to breathe and savor and appreciate and find center.

And the more that I do those things, rather than expending all of my energy feeling stressed (or talking about being stressed) the more time and energy I have for the things I enjoy like cooking and knitting (and riding roller coasters!) and yes – blogging.

So here I am. Dipping my toes back in to this space. Because now, perhaps more than ever, I really need to make space in my days to exhale. return to center.

 

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where i’m at

March 3, 2010 in family+career, life as a writer, living our dreams! | 19 comments

It’s kind of a weird thing, when you blog daily - or almost-daily - and then you take a little break from it. (Thanks for your well-wishes, by the way. I am feeling much better.) I was driving home the other day thinking how long it’s been since I’ve written a real blog post and wondering where the heck to begin. 

There are SO many wonderful things going on in my world right now. Some I am not quite ready to share and other things I just can’t wait another minute to tell you!

Like, for example, that I have a new job!

Although the basic set up in this photo — laptop, water bottle, and notebooks sprawled out at the coffee shop (Java Madness for those who are local) — is nothing new, the difference is that I have finally managed to somehow stumble my way into the magical world of paid writing! 

For some time now I’ve been dreaming up a little consulting business.

Something that would allow me to use the many skills I’ve acquired over the last 15+ years in a way that works for our family and feels right in my heart. A way for me to work with others who are starting and expanding sustainable, heart-centered small businesses that utilizes my writing, photography, marketing, networking and community-building skills.

And so I’ve been doodling little logos and tag lines in my notebooks. And imagining myself working with farmers and yoga teachers and healers and artists and craftspeople. And feeling SO excited by all the possibilities.

I hadn’t really told too many people about it. I’ve just been kind of privately savoring this next step that feels so right and trusting that it would come together in Divine timing. 

And that’s just what happened. A couple of weeks ago, while sipping coffee with a good friend and chatting about the weather (we do that a lot here in New England), he looked up at me and said something like…

This might sound kind of crazy, but I really need help with marketing and keeping in touch with my customers and creating a website and writing newsletters and…would you maybe be interested in working for me?

Crazy is not at all how it sounded. It sounded absolutely wonderful.

In addition to coffee shops and libraries, I’ve been setting up my mobile office at the laundry mat.

That’s right. We still have well issues. Holding tank issues actually. And the only real issue at this point is figuring out how to pay for a new tank, which is why it’s all the more wonderful that while I am sitting at the laundry mat waiting for our clothes I am also working.

And taking plenty of short breaks to study this book, The Knitted Farmyard, because I just can’t bear to hear my sweet girl tell one more person that her Mama is knitting a farm for her, when her Mama hasn’t actually done anything more than buy the toothpick-size needles it calls for and break out into a sweat every time she thinks about trying to knit something on them.

So there you go. Teeny-tiny-knitting. Public laundering. And joyfully working. 

That’s where I’m at.

How about you? What’s happening in your world?

it is good to sit

December 2, 2009 in essays+reflections, family+career, life as a writer | 21 comments

Thank you all so very much for your words of support. I have been reading (and re-reading) each and every comment and e-mail and I am so grateful for your words.

Lily and I have had many wonderful heart-to-heart conversations and I am clear on what she feels okay with me sharing here.

She is fine with me sharing photos and stories and even her books and art…but not her tough stuff. The stuff that makes her feel different. The stuff that she, and we as a family, are trying to understand.

We visited our favorite tree farm this past weekend. After Papa cut the tree we counted rings to see how old our tree was.

I will of course honor her wishes.

And yet at the same time I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give each other, most especially as mothers, is to open our hearts and share our stories.

It has always been my goal in my teaching and writing to be honest and authentic and to honor the incredible depth and breadth of emotions life evokes within us. And so I feel a strong need to acknowledge that we and our children and our partners and our parents have tough stuff that we are all trying to make sense of.

Because when we only share the joyful snapshots with each other, it’s easy to feel like you are the only one hurting or struggling. And that is such a lonely feeling.

But thanks to my brave girl’s words, some time to reflect and the wonderful insights you all shared, it is clear to me that a publicly viewable blog (and in our case one that is read by many people in our children’s immediate circle from teachers to neighbors to our pediatrician, and at the same time is directly linked to my professional work) is simply not the right place to talk about the details of the tough stuff.

To make room for our tree we moved Veterinarian Farm from the playroom to the computer room.

For nearly three years now I have been saying that I’m ”writing a book” and this is true. In fact I have solid concepts, marketing plans, notes and outlines for a number of books.

But that’s it.

From time to time people ask me how my book is coming and I smile and nod and say that it is “coming along”. The truth is that I stare at a blank computer screen for a few minutes every day and then quickly find other more pressing projects — daily blogging being one of the biggest.

I have also been calling myself a freelance writer since I left my office job when Lily was born. And while this is certainly true, I am not writing to my full potential. I had two pieces rejected by magazines earlier this year and I let those rejections really set me back.

We moved the kitchen table back into the “dinette” that has been the playroom and we discovered that we really like it there.

On Saturday night John and I had “Thanksgiving – Take Two” in our new dining room while my parents graciously babysat our kids at their house. Two days earlier the words John and I expressed to each other were far from the spirit of holiday.  

While our children played outside, one of us said something in the wrong tone that unleashed weeks of pent up anger and frustration. We went our separate ways for a good part of the day and eventually called a Thanksgiving Truce, driving to my parents’ house in near silence and avoiding each other for the entire visit.

We discovered that we really like having open space in our living room for yoga and dancing and snuggling by the fire and napping in the sun.

We need to make some changes in our family.

It’s time for me to shift my focus. It’s time for me to push through my fears and submit articles for publication so I can relieve my husband of some of the heavy financial burden he has been carrying alone for five-and-a-half years.

It’s time for us to get our house in order so we don’t come unglued by missing shoes and misplaced tools. It’s time for me to start writing — really writing — the many books I have been holding in my heart.

 I paused to sit and smile alongside my clutter and Christmas lights before we headed out the door for school yesterday. I think I will do this more often. It feels good!

Things will need to change here a little. I might be posting a little less frequently. Sometimes I will need to share more photos than words. Other times it will be words without photos. But I will still be here taking deep breaths and tender first steps on this next leg of the journey.

Thank you you so much for being here with me.

sitting here in limbo

November 30, 2009 in energy management, life as a writer, parenting | 28 comments

{photo by john}

Lily has asked me to stop blogging about her. The post I shared last week upset her greatly. She does not yet read but when she saw the photo she knew exactly what it was about.

Why is THAT on your blog, Mama? THAT is a private thing.

I tried to explain why I shared it and why it is so important to talk about difficult feelings because we all have them and we can learn from each other by talking about them.

I don’t care. I don’t want you writing about me any more. Everywhere I go everyone is like ‘Oh blah-blah-blah Lily…oh that’s so great…oh yeah I read about that on your mom’s blog.’

I don’t like it. It makes me feel embarrassed.

I had a bunch of posts ready to go for this week…Lily’s latest book, Quinn’s new sweater that he and I made together, photos of us all making Thanksgiving pies…and well for now at least I’m not going to share them.

Instead I’m going to sit. And breathe. And write in my journal. And reflect on what this space is all about and how I can use it in a way that feels right for me and my loved ones. 

As I am reflecting I would love to hear your thoughts.

Why do you visit here? What would you like to see more of here? What keeps you coming back? And for those of you who blog (especially those with older children) how do you find balance of sharing what is on your mind and in your heart without oversharing or embarrassing your children?

behind the scenes :: the real story

October 23, 2009 in life as a writer, parenting | 14 comments

Recently we were at a party with friends and someone asked us about our week at family camp. She had seen the photos I shared here and wanted to hear more about the week. She particularly liked the photo of our group wading through the creek.

 

As soon as she said that, John and I looked at each other and smiled.

 

“Do you want to hear the real story of what happened in the creek?” John asked.

 

We told the story in tandem – interrupting and skipping around the way married couples do – but for to make it easier for you to read I’m going to tell it in order the way it happened for me.

 

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I was sitting at a picnic table with a group of moms talking about homeschooling resources when John said it was time for Lily’s class to go to the creek and did I want to join them.

 

I really didn’t. I was enjoying the conversation and sitting in the warm sun but I also didn’t want to miss out. I knew it would be beautiful down there and I loved the idea of getting a few shots of the kids playing in the water.

 

I grabbed my camera, stashed my knitting and followed the group down to the creek. I was surprised when I got there to see many of the kids already knee-deep and walking along the creek.

 

I felt a wave of discomfort.

 

I thought we were just going down to explore in the mud along the shore, maybe getting our feet a little wet. I had no idea that we were going to be wading through the creek.

 

I noticed other parents rolling up their pants and jumping in the water. I did the same.

 

The water was SO cold and things were moving fast. Quinn was in the water next to me and Lily was already up ahead with another family.

 

I looked at John who was on the shore deciding whether or not to take off his hiking boots while jogging awkwardly along the banks (over branches and around trees) to keep up with Lily.

 

I took a deep breath as another wave of discomfort washed over me. I started to slip into lifeguard mode. Counting and recounting children. Making sure no one was getting too far ahead.

 

I tried to go with the flow – something I ask my kids to do about a dozen time a day. I noticed children laughing and having fun. I took deep breaths while I held tightly to Quinn’s hand and checked in on Lily every few seconds. (She was walking alongside another parent further up the creek.)

 

After a few minutes, I started to relax. I pulled my camera, which was strapped around my shoulder, around and snapped a few photos.

 


Things always shift for me when I get behind my camera. And it did in this moment too. The water wasn’t feeling so cold any more. I was breathing a little more easily. I noticed how beautiful the foliage reflecting in the water was.

 

And then the first child slipped and fell in the water.

 

It was not my child, and there was an adult right next to her who pulled her out immediately, but I felt my breathing shift again as the waves of discomfort increased.

 

Things were moving too fast and felt totally out of my control – the perfect recipe for me to have a panic attack (something I have struggled with since childhood). My heart was racing.

 

The next thing I knew my foot slipped and I, my camera, and my sweet boy splashed into the water.

 

I pulled Quinn out quickly. He was shaken but not injured. I quickly pulled my wool sweater off and wrapped him in it. Other adults rushed over to make sure we were okay. Through them I passed my camera to John and yelled for him to please open it all up and dry it out as best he could.

 

I hugged my boy and attempted to find a steady breath again.

 

I called to Lily and we made our way to the side of the creek where we waited for the rest of the group, while John, hiking boots still on, waded through the water to retrieve cold, wet children.

 

I carried my still-shaken, shivering boy up the steep hill to our cabin where we changed into dry clothes.

 

Later we attempted to take photographs with my water-logged camera (something I’ve since learned you should NOT do).

 

 

And John and I laughed (the way we often do after an intense experience, once everyone is safe and sound) and he said, “Well babe, at least you have a good story to tell.”

 

So there you have it. The real story, or at least one of the real stories, of what happened at the creek.

 

(My camera, by the way, DID survive. :-)

 

  

exhale interviews :: cindy hudson

October 15, 2009 in exhale interviews, life as a writer | 21 comments

I was introduced to Cindy Hudson and her work through Writer Mama Christina Katz’s blog, The Writer Mama Riffs, and was thrilled to have an opportunity to review her first book, Book by Book, The Complete Guide to Creating Mother-Daughter Book Clubs.

 

I brought Cindy’s cheerful book, which takes readers step-by-step through the process of creating and maintaining a mother-daughter book club, along on our recent family vacation and found it to be an absolutely delightful and inspiring read.

 

Cindy has created two long-running book clubs, one with each of her daughters, and she also interviewed numerous mothers about their experiences in their own mother-daughter book clubs. Her book covers everything from how to get started, to how to keep your book club thriving, and how to handle challenges that come up.

 

In Chapter 17: Talking about Sex, Alcohol and other Touchy Subjects Peter L. Benson, PhD says he sees mother-daughter book clubs as the reincarnation of the “circle of elders,” the new campfire, where “elders gather to impart the wisdom they have learned in a non-threatening way. It is powerful to have dialogue in a circle of intergenerational people.”

 

It is with this beautiful image in mind and my gratitude for the important work she is doing, that I welcome Cindy Hudson, author of Book by Book.

 

{Enter to win a copy of Cindy’s book. See the end of the interview for details!}

 

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EBG: Welcome and congratulations on your first book! How does it feel to officially be a published author?

CH: It’s overwhelming and a little bit unreal, but it’s very fun and exciting too.

 

Did you always want to be an author or was this book born out of your passion for mother-daughter book clubs?

I’ve always wanted to write, but I didn’t have my heart set on writing books. My first passion is for writing personal essays, but once I realized that there were few resources available for moms in mother-daughter book clubs, which I truly believe can be life changing, I knew I had to put my heart and soul into this book.

 

I know you are a mother of two daughters, and therefore it was natural for you to create mother-daughter book clubs, but I’m wondering what advice would you offer to those of us who are raising boys?

First off, you can always read within your family. Before I started my mother-daughter book clubs my husband and I both read to our daughters. Sometimes it was a whole family event, with all of us listening to the same book. Ideally, your son would be in a book club with his dad, because there are just some topics you can discuss more freely with members of the same sex as the kids grow up. But if that’s not possible, and you have other moms and sons who want to be in a group, you should definitely create a parent-child book club. When you read together you open up so many avenues into each other’s personal lives, and that’s an invaluable experience to have with your child.

 

Your older daughter, Madeleine, started college this fall, right? What has happened to your book club as the girls have branched out for school?

This year the moms bought tickets to a literary speaker series here in Portland. Our first speaker appeared on the night of move-in day at the dorm, and we thought it was appropriate that as three of us moms gathered for the event, our three daughters were having dinner together in their cafeteria at college. We’re also talking about meeting with the whole group when the girls come home for Christmas and again in the summer. If we’re lucky, some of us will squeeze in a meeting during parents’ weekend in February (four girls decided to attend the same college). The bottom line is, we all want to continue to see each other as a group, so I have to believe we’ll make it work.

 

And now, if it is okay with you, I’d love to ask you a few questions about your writing process.

 

Do you have a dedicated writing space? What does it look/feel like? Is it in-home, out-of-home, multipurpose/shared etc.

I love my office in my home. It’s in a corner that’s tucked away from the main action of the house, which means I can shut my door and concentrate if I’d like, or I can leave it open and be in tune with everything else going on. When my daughters were young, they played on the floor beside my desk. Now, my youngest does homework in another room while I’m finishing up my work day.

 

What is your writing process like? (Do you like to compose in a particular notebook, with a certain pen, at the keyboard, at the coffee shop? Inquiring minds want to know! ;-)

When I’m brainstorming, I like to write ideas out with pen and paper. There’s something about jotting things down and being messy about the process that keeps the ideas flowing. When I write though, I think better at the computer. I guess I’m too impatient to write things down twice, once on paper and again on the keyboard. But I’m not afraid to write a lead that’s terrible, double space and write another, and another until I like what I’m writing. Sometimes I have to go into the body of the article or chapter and go back to revise the beginning. Once I have a rough draft, I often go for a walk. There’s something about getting away from a piece of writing that helps me think of all the missing pieces.

 

With all the exciting things happening in your world, when and how do you nurture yourself physically/emotionally/spiritually?

I get time to relax in bits and pieces, and occasionally I find several hours at once on a weekend. Reading for pleasure is one of the most relaxing things I can do. I read so many books for review, that I find it’s a treat to read something just for enjoyment. I also try to walk everyday. My daughters keep telling me to take an ipod with me so I can enjoy music, but I really like tuning into what’s going on around me. I like to breathe in the fresh air and listen to different bird songs. Massages are good, too, but I don’t get enough of those.

 

What books, magazines, websites/blogs (or other resources) do you turn to for inspiration?

For writing ideas I check out Writer’s Digest and Christina Katz’s ezines. I edit Writers on the Rise for Christina, so I get to read the articles by contributors first. And I find a lot of good tips in her Writer Mama ezine and Get Known Before the Book Deal. For mother-daughter book clubs I have found Julie Peterson of Booking Mama to be a good blogging buddy. And I’m tied into the Kidlitosphere, where you can find lots of good online sites talking about children’s literature.

 

What’s next for you? And what is the best way for people to follow along with your work?

I’m already scheduled to talk about mother-daughter book clubs at bookstores and conferences well into next year, which is exciting. The best news I can hear is when someone tells me they’re starting a book club after they’ve read my book or heard me speak. And I’m working on a couple of new concepts for books, but they’re not quite developed enough to talk about yet. I’ll keep posting my news at MotherDaughterBookClub.com and blogging at MotherDaughterBookClub.wordpress.com, so you can stay tuned there.

 

Thank you so much Cindy for sharing your time with us and for sharing your Light with the world!

 

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To be entered to win a copy of Cindy’s inspiring book, please leave a comment here between now and Sunday at 5 p.m. (EST). Good luck and happy weekend to you!

And the winner is…

Tracy from Give it a Whirl!

Congratulations Tracy and thank you again to Cindy! 

what’s working :: organizing my ideas

August 18, 2009 in life as a writer, nurturing creativity, what's working! | 9 comments

I’ve shared quite a few of my home-organization projects here, but today I thought I’d give you a little peek into how I am working to organize my creative ideas…

.:. .:. .:. .:. .:.

When my kids were babies (and toddlers ;-), I had a favorite chair where we sat to nurse. Often while we relaxed there together, my creative ideas would flow freely.

And after a while this began to cause me a lot of discomfort. I started to resent my beautiful babies and all the time I spent sitting in that darn chair flirting with creativity but never being able to follow through on anything.

Then one day I looked up and noticed an empty ceramic planter hanging on the wall and I decided to start “filing” my ideas in there, trusting that someday I would be able to return to them.

 

I set myself up with a pen and some index cards and soon nursing became a favorite time for me to unwind and release all that was swirling in my brain.

 

 

One day last fall, after my children began attending daycare two days a week, I climbed up on the chair, dug my way through the dust, and retrieved my notes.

 

As I flipped through the cards my Mothers’ Retreats and An Evening of Refreshment began to take shape. Blog posts were born. And I also started to see the very faint outlines of my future books (both for children and adults), writing retreats, a farm-based cottage school and a family yoga camp.

 

And I started getting really excited.

 

From there I made myself a very basic portable file with folders that say things like – blog posts,  my books, freelance articles, retreats and workshops etc.

 

 

I have found one of the biggest challenges for me as a writer, creative thinker and passionate lover of life is that I tend to scatter my energy far and wide, bouncing around from one idea to the next so quickly that I just can’t seem to make progress on any of them.

 

Creating a system, albeit a very simple one, to “download” what is in my brain for possible future use, and to start to sort and categorize everything, was a huge step for me in getting more focused and being more productive (and happy!!!) in my work. And that really works for me.

the ghosts of past hurts

August 14, 2009 in life as a writer, nurturing creativity, the contrast | 3 comments

Thank you all so very much for your words of support and love and encouragement. I was not able to keep up with responding to each of you individually to say thank you but please know how very grateful I am for your comments and e-mails.

 

Here’s what is happening right now in my world and in my heart…

 

 

 

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I am doing very, very well. I feel lighter than I have in a long time.

 

My husband contacted our friend directly and called him out on his actions. He responded (within hours) by sending a heartfelt note of apology to me, which he copied to his wife, along with a request to meet with us to express his apology in person.

 

I have asked for a little time to continue to process and heal wounds that are still very tender, but shared that I would like to sit and talk with him, with his wife/my friend, and with John, with open hearts at some point in the near future.

 

I have no idea what form that meeting will take or where our friendship will go from here but I believe in my heart that there is beauty and opportunity for growth and expansion and the sharing of love everywhere – even here.

 

Internally, I am visiting with some old ghosts that I didn’t even know were still with me until this week.

 

You see, when I was in sixth grade I wrote a 12-page stream-of-consciousness letter to a boy I thought I loved.

 

He lost the note and a group of eighth grade girls found it.

 

And for the first time I experienced the gut-wrenching pain of having the words and feelings of my heart used in the spirit of mockery.

 

And so many times this week I have found myself absolutely sobbing, and realized that along with the pain I am feeling now, I am also very much revisiting the deep hurt that I felt all those years ago.

 

And I’m doing my best, with lots of love and support of those closest to me, and the beautiful words shared here by all of you, to allow it all to come up. To feel it. To name it. To write it. And as best I can, to stay with it and breathe.

 

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For those of you who are feeling anger on my behalf. I invite you, if it feels right, to explore what feelings my recent experience may have triggered from your past (or present). Please feel free to share your thoughts here, in your journal, or just hold these questions in your heart.

 

 

Namaste my friends.  

i need to be me

August 12, 2009 in life as a writer, living our dreams!, nurturing creativity, the contrast | 39 comments

I’ve been feeling very quiet this week. More reflective.

 

Being away at conferences/workshops always has this affect on me — or is it effect? I don’t know. I never know. I have to look it up every. single. time. and today I just don’t feel like taking the time…

 

This week there is something more.

 

Every Friday afternoon I get an e-mail report from my website host. On it I can see things like how many people visit my blog, when they visit, and what websites they come to my site from.

 

Earlier this week, as I looked over my stats there was an unusual spike in hits coming from a particular website. As I always do, I went to check it out. Normally this is a positive experience that leads me to kindred spirits and wonderful new connections via the amazing World Wide Web.

 

But this time was different. This time it took me to a discussion forum and a multi-page thread, started by someone who said they know me, with the sole purpose of mocking me, my blog and most specifically my amateurish and annoying photographs.

 

It didn’t take me long, thanks to the wonders of technology, to figure out exactly who started the thread that directed several hundred bored, sarcastic, critical eyes to my blog.

 

And the image of this person, whom I consider a friend, and his wife, a very good friend with whom I have collaborated personally and professionally, “pissing themselves laughing” as they scroll through my blog that just gets “weirder and weirder” stung like hell.

 

It still does.

 

It feels like a punch in the gut.

 

And I found myself questioning why the heck I am doing this – putting my heart and soul and my family “out there” like this, sharing our joys and our struggles, exposing our messes, and photo-documenting our days.

 

And I really seriously considered just giving up on the whole thing…my farm dreams, my writing career, the yoga retreats, the mother’s circles, the birth network forums, and all the books in my heart that I have been outlining and visualizing and scribbling notes about over the years.

 

And I said things to myself like…I need to just stop pretending that I am a writer or a photographer…or that I have any clue what I am doing as a mother or a wife or a yoga teacher…or that I have anything of value to offer.

 

But the thing is. I know that’s not true.

 

I know in my heart that I am a writer and an artist and a community leader and a healer and a powerful networker who brings people together to collaborate and expand. I know that the words and photographs I share here inspire people and give them hope that they too can create the life of their dreams. 

 

I know this because I get so many beautiful comments and e-mails from people who tell me how my words inspire them and give them permission to feel their dreams and take steps towards living their dreams.

 

But even if none of that were true. Even if no one read my words or cared about my life, I need to do this for me.

 

I need to take pictures when I feel like I’m going to totally lose it with my kids. I need to find every bit of beauty that I can in our home that is chronically enveloped in clutter and our yard that is one giant “to-do” list.

 

I need to visit farms and talk to farmers and dream about “some day” when we have our happy, quirky little homestead and we’re growing and raising a good portion of our own food, and John and I are both doing work that we love and are enjoying our time together as a couple and as a family.

 

And I need to spend time appreciating all that we already have. And how far we have come. And how blessed we are.

 

And I really just need a place that I can fully and completely be the fullest expression of who I am.

 

And so, with the full understanding that there will be those who will laugh at me. And sometimes it will be people I thought were my friends. And sometimes it will hurt. And sometimes I will cry…

 

I’m going to keep moving forward and living my dreams and being me anyway.

 

{self-portrait taken today at the top of the ferris wheel at the county fair} 

 

Love and Light to all…

 

~Erin

 

 

 

tuesday mornings

July 21, 2009 in energy management, life as a writer, nurturing creativity | 9 comments

We decided, for a number of reasons, to forgo daycare for the summer. (The kids had been going two days a week throughout the past school year.)

 

As we transitioned out of our school year rhythm and into a more full-time at-home-together rhythm, there was one thing that I was certain needed to remain in place.

 

For almost a year now I have been having weekly coaching sessions with my amazing friend Julianna. For a long time I kept the sessions very private, noting only that I had a “standing appointment” on Tuesday mornings if anyone asked.

 

I think one of the reasons I have not talked about this process is that I can never quite find the right words to express what an amazingly gifted healer and coach she is and what exactly it is that we do during our sessions.

 

I trust at some point the words will come. But for now, I hope it is enough to say that the hour I spend with her each week (usually in person, but sometimes over the phone) grounding, centering, connecting with my creative dreams and exploring my life through an energetic lens, is the absolute highlight of my week.

 

A few weeks ago I was having a particularly challenging stretch of time with the kids. I was feeling absolutely exhausted and painfully restless.

 

Without the physical and mental break that daycare provides, my writing, which I have come to accept is truly what keeps me sane, is once again pushed to the fringes of our days and often pushed right out by sheer exhaustion once the kids are finally asleep.

 

When I walked into Julianna’s beautiful living room (pictured below), I could barely breathe. My mind was racing. My jaw was clenched. My stomach was in knots.

 

I cannot tell you exactly what Julianna said or what we did that morning. (Much like I cannot tell you what words my Doula whispered that brought me back to center when the intensity of labor threatened to overtake me.) But I can tell you that an hour later I nearly floated out of her house and up the road to meet my children, recharged, reconnected to my dreams, breathing deeply and at peace.

 

 

It is my great pleasure to introduce my newest sponsor, my creative coach, and my wonderful friend: Julianna Ricci.

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