living our dreams!

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pssst…guess what?

September 8, 2010 in living + learning, living our dreams! | 13 comments

I’ve been keeping a little secret from you all since last December.

(I know. Crazy, huh?)

A number of times I have started a blog post with the intention of sharing. But each time I have saved it in my drafts for a little later.

It all began a few years back, when I read this amazing book called The Artist’s Way. Actually I did much more than “read” it. I lived it with the support of a small group of inspiring women, led by my wonderful friend Julianna, over the course of several weeks. (I cannot say enough positive things about this experience. Totally life-changing!)

One of the exercises in the book is called “Five Lives” and we were each encouraged to write down five lives we would like to live if we could.

My list looked like this:

1. Writer / Author

2. Mama

3. Farmer

4. College Professor

5. Minister

I was already a mother when I wrote this. And a writer. (Though still not a published author – Yet!! I’m working on it!).

I got to try on the college professor role when I worked as an instructor at the University of Rhode Island two years ago and the Farmer part (or at least Marketing Director, who pitches in as a Farm Hand as needed) has been coming together quite nicely over the past year.

But Minister? Where does that fit into my life?

Over the last couple of years I have explored a number of options for attending seminary but none have been the right match for this stage in my life, where we are geographically, and what we can manage financially.

And yet the call to ministry continued.

And so one day last winter I contacted my dear friend Debbie Gleadow and proposed something to her.

If I did whatever online or mail-in method I needed to do to get a piece of paper that says I’m a minister, would she be willing to take me under her wing and teach me what I need to know?

Without hesitation she said, “Yes!”

And for the last several months that’s just what she has done, graciously answering my (many!!) questions and allowing me to sit in on meetings and attend ceremonies she’s officiated.

And…I am so delighted to share that this Saturday, wearing this beautiful stole that my mom made for me…

…I will be officiating my first wedding!

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 Thank you to all the amazing people in my world who helped to make this dream a reality. I am so very blessed. And so very grateful.

 

baby steps :: making soup

September 1, 2010 in at home, farms + food, living our dreams! | 4 comments

I’m taking a little time off to help my daughter settle in to her first week of kindergarten (which I’m happy to report is going very smoothly!!) and am enjoying a little trip down memory lane by visiting my blog archives. This post was originally published in September, 2008. I have included a few notes from today at the end.

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As our Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) pick-ups are quickly coming to an end (just three more weeks!), I’m continuing to look for ways to preserve all the delicious, organic produce we pick up each week.

I thought I would try my hand at making homemade jam this year (and even bought myself a little canning kit that was half price at the grocery store) but strawberries slid into blueberries and raspberries and now apples and I have yet to attempt any canning. Next year!

In the meantime, something that I did start doing this year that is working very well is making “soup starter” bags!

In the past making soup has often felt overwhelming to me – especially buying all the ingredients and chopping everything up. It seems silly as I write it out but it often does just feel like too much effort to squeeze into our busy days.

So this year I have been chopping celery, carrots, onions and potatoes in bulk and storing them in little Ziploc bags in the freezer.

When I want to make soup, I just pull out a bag and saute the veggies in butter or oil and my soup is well under way!

Following the lead of Amanda Soule, whose beautiful book The Creative Family, I have been reading (and re-reading!), I set Quinn up with a big bowl and let him make his own “soup” with the vegetables I discarded. When we were all finished we carried the scraps out to our chickens and they had a nice little feast!

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September, 2010: I completely forgot about making soup starter bags but have recently been doing so again (all it takes is one turning leaf on a tree and I start thinking about baking bread and making soup!!).  I have to say, they really do make cooking soup “from scratch” a whole lot faster and easier!! :-)

In other related news…I have not done any canning this year. Nothin’. Not even one jar of jelly. (Yet!!! I still have time to make applesauce, right?) I did make a fresh pasta sauce last week however and it was fantastic. And tomorrow I will be trying my hand at rendering lard! Baby steps, my friends.

baby steps :: making pizza

August 30, 2010 in at home, farms + food, living our dreams!, shifting perspective | 8 comments

While I’m resting up after hosting my first (amazingly fun!!!) Community Contra Dance (see my facebook page for photos) and helping my sweet girl settle in to her first week of kindergarten, I thought it would be fun to dip into the archives. This post comes from my old farm blog and was originally posted in August, 2008. I’ve shared a few notes from today at the end.

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Like just about everyone else in the world who read Barbara Kingsolver’s inspiring book, Animal Vegetable Miracle, I decided that we should start having once-a-week homemade pizza nights.

I ordered Ricki Carroll’s book from the library and started dreaming about the fresh mozzarella cheese we’d make and enjoy on our pizza.

But just like the canning kit I bought to make jam this summer, the cheese-making supplies remain on a shelf gathering dust.

As discouragement and frustration set in every time I popped another frozen pizza in the toaster, I decided to shift my perspective.

What if we started to consciously enjoy and appreciate our frozen pizzas and make eating them a special event (not just a default dinner)?

And then what if we switched from frozen pizzas to pizza shells that the kids could spread (store-bought) sauce and (store-bought) mozzarella on, so things could start to feel a little bit more homemade?

And then what if we shifted from pizza shells to store-bought dough that we could roll ourselves. And from shredded mozzarella to fresh (store-bought) mozzarella for us? (The kids prefer the shredded mozzarella.)

Eventually we’ll get to the cheese-making and homemade dough and our own canned tomato sauce, but for now we are really enjoying our own mostly-homemade, fun, toddler-friendly version of pizza night!

Here are some pictures from last night’s pizza-making fun…

Kneading the dough:

Rolling the dough:

Adding sauce:

Pesto pizza with tomatoes, caramelized onions, pine nuts, blue cheese and fresh mozzarella (for the adults):

We roasted corn on the grill:

The herb garden on the deck (basil, parsley and nasturtiums):

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August, 2010:  Despite the fact that I now have a package of rennet in the fridge and access to plenty of delicious, farm fresh milk, I have still yet to try my hand at making cheese! To be perfectly honest, we have gone in the opposite direction this summer — eating take-out pizza with the farm crew at least one night a week. (Not exactly where I want to be in terms of eating healthily, frugally, and sustainably — but a lovely weekly ritual nonetheless.) We have however been greatly enjoying one of Barbara Kingsolver’s recipes from the book — Zucchini Chocolate Chip Cookies! YUM!!!

the more things change…

August 16, 2010 in family+career, life as a writer, living our dreams! | 11 comments

I have been blogging in this space several times a week (ahem…with the exception of this month) for the past two years.

Prior to exhale. return to center. I had two blogs – one on which I documented my days as a writer, yoga teacher, Birth Network founder, aspiring author, who was struggling like heck in the role of stay-at-home-mom, and another where I fancied myself a farmer and nurtured my happy little homesteading dreams.

I remember in the summer of 2008 before I merged the two blogs how things started to feel very uncomfortable.

Through my involvement in our CSA, farming was becoming more and more a part of “every day.” I wanted to find a way to bring everything together and I was searching for the common thread in all that I do.

As I played around with blog platforms and thought about my intended audience and what I wanted to share, I realized that although much of what I share is about my struggles and my shortcomings it is always with the intention of honoring where I am in my growth as a person and continuing to move forward.

And that to do this, I must — on a daily basis — exhale. return to center. 

Earlier this summer, a dear friend shared some wise words with me. ”What we have had to learn and overcome ourselves is our greatest gift to share in our teaching.” 

At the time I remember joking with her that my gift must be being a crazy Type-A perfectionist who is stressed way too much so I can keep learning new ways to recenter myself and share it with others.

Geez. What a gift. I thought.

And yet somewhere in my sarcasm there was truth.

I am not a person who naturally floats through life with peace and equanimity. I am by my very nature a bit restless and unsettled. (I’m told this is one of the things that makes me a good writer.) There is much that I am called to do in this world. I am constantly evolving. Refining. Seeking. Growing.

Although I have been practicing yoga for nearly 15 years now and teaching in one form or another for the past eight years, I am still very much a beginner on this path. I share my days with a runaway train of a mind that I must continually slow down and redirect.

And writing and photography and connecting with all the beautiful Souls who visit this space help me to do just that.

So here I am. Two years and several hundred blog posts later. Life is wonderful and amazing. So many of my dreams are daily realities. And yet still there is discomfort.

For the better part of this year I have been a working mother — a brand new role for me — and as you may have gleaned from my recent (very sparse) blog posts, it has been a major adjustment for me and for our family.

I absolutely love the work that I am doing. I love the ways our world has expanded and our community has grown.

But (of course) this new, very different rhythm in our days has not been without its challenges. And although I’ve been racing around all summer telling myself that I don’t have time to relax and I don’t have time to cook and I don’t have time to blog, that is not true.

No matter how fast I am moving, it only takes one conscious moment to breathe and savor and appreciate and find center.

And the more that I do those things, rather than expending all of my energy feeling stressed (or talking about being stressed) the more time and energy I have for the things I enjoy like cooking and knitting (and riding roller coasters!) and yes – blogging.

So here I am. Dipping my toes back in to this space. Because now, perhaps more than ever, I really need to make space in my days to exhale. return to center.

 

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my mid-summer meltdown

July 28, 2010 in essays+reflections, family+career, farms + food, living our dreams!, the contrast | 24 comments

Where to begin?

I want so much to share the amazingness that is right now, to capture it for myself and my children to look back on years from now but the truth is that it is not all wonderful and amazing. And I want to honor that part of right now too.

Lily, my animal-loving, future veterinarian, is learning to milk cows, to check the animals for signs of stress and to help Farmer Megan walk them to and from their pasture.

This summer is the pure joy of truly living my dreams juxtaposed with extreme exhaustion, collapsing in a pool of tears at the end of a long day, wondering what the hell I am doing and why.

Once a week I meet with Farmer Ashley at our vegetable CSA farm to map out the newsletter for the following week and plan community events – like our first contra dance, which will take place at the end of August. Lily took this picture while we worked.

This spring I sat with my calendar open, looked out at the summer and mentally planned our days – Mondays: meetings in the morning, afternoons at the market; Tuesdays and Wednesdays working from home; Thursdays off from work relaxing with kids; Fridays working at the farms (yes! farms plural – one in the morning and the other in the afternoon); Saturdays organizing and teaching yoga and attending the farmers’ market; and Sundays relaxing and catching up.

I sprinkled in a little summer camp, touched base with all our mothers’ helpers and made plans for the kids to have weekly sleepovers at my parents’. It all felt so doable. So neat and smooth. And so much fun.

Once a week the kids and I drive Farmer Pat’s truck from the farm to the market – a major highlight of the kids’ week!

And sometimes that’s how it feels. Sometimes I feel like superwoman.

Meetings in the morning. Mid-day working at the farm. Washing eggs. Hauling boxes. Driving the farm truck. Unloading the coolers. Setting up for the market. Chatting with our customers and the other vendors.

Lily has taken responsibility for egg sales. She’s starting to remember our customers and which size eggs they like to purchase and is learning to count change.

But sometimes it is anything but fun.

And when I think back to my nice little neat plan I made this spring, I realize that I didn’t factor in the summer heat (100+ degrees at times this month) or torrential rain or the physical exhaustion we would all experience.

I didn’t think about what we would be eating on these long work days and who would be doing laundry (and when???) and how I would keep track of where the heck I stashed the sunscreen.

I forgot that four-year-olds often regress with potty learning, especially when away from home for large periods of time, and that dealing with potty accidents while attempting to wait on customers is not fun at all.

Did you know that Farmers’ Markets are open rain or shine?

This past week I hit a wall.

House guests, traveling co-workers, fast approaching deadlines, last-minute sitter cancellations, all-day weekend events, extreme heat. It was all just too much.

I’ve been here before. John and I call it “the perfect storm.” When a dozen little things come together in just the right way to make everything feel completely and totally overwhelming.

At the farm we call it “the pig pile.”

Whatever you want to call it, these are the moments that can make or break you. And for me they often do both.

No matter what the temperature outside, in our walk-in freezer it is always -20 degrees and I must “suit up” before going in to fill orders. Photo by Quinn.

I remember once my friend and fellow yoga teacher telling me about the end of her marriage and how it led her to yoga. “I had a complete breakdown. And then I had a breakthrough,” she said.

That’s how these perfect storms feel to me.

I break down. I cry. I yell. I swear. I feel sorry for myself. I wonder how the hell I got here. And then at some point, I break through. I name everything that isn’t working. I reach for the best feeling thought I can muster. I make a new plan. I start moving forward again.

And that’s about where I am now. July broke me.  It forced me to get real with myself about who I am and who I am not. To ask myself how much is too much? And what is sustainable – for me and for our family? And to re-examine what it is that I really want. 

It also brought me more deeply into my yoga practice and helped me recommit to attending (a minimum of ) one yoga class a week. And led me to pull in more childcare. And reconvene weekly potluck dinners with friends.

July asked me to say goodbye. And to say I’m sorry (many times). To breathe deep. And dig deep. And keep moving forward.  And take chances. And trust.

This kids and I enjoyed a special late-night moment earlier this week feeding the pigs by the light of the farm truck. As we drove down the farm lane the full moon came up over the trees.

Photos taken with my cell phone.

One particularly challenging day this month, I opened my e-mail to find this. (Do you get wonderful things in your in-box like Daily Quotes, the Daily Groove or Notes from the Universe? And do they come to you at just the right time like this one did for me?)

Overwhelment is about you not being up to speed with what you told the Universe that you want. The Universe is yielding to you. You’re just not ready to receive it right now.   – Abraham

I am ready to step back from overwhelment and move into a place of receiving and flowing with all that I have been asking for and all that has already manifest.

And I have July and my mid-summer meltdown to thank for that. 

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I’m going to step away from this space for a bit while I continue to get myself caught up to speed. I’ll be back in early August to celebrate the two-year anniversary of exhale. return to center. (And I’m going to need your help to do it!) Wishing you a lovely stretch of days.

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the circus is coming!

July 12, 2010 in adventures, at home, living our dreams! | 10 comments

Last year the kids and I went to see Circus Smirkus for the first time.

It was a couple of weeks after we had been backstage at the Big Apple Circus and we were absolutely smitten by everything circus.

Lily waits to say hello to one of the Circus Smirkus performers after the show.

Since that time, we have had frequent circus-style family nights where we take turns performing and cheering each other on.

(Quinn is a stunt man on his wooden scooter. Lily absolutely rocks the hula hoop. Papa juggles and makes balloon animals. And Mama, who is still attempting to connect with her inner circus performer, takes photographs and dreams of someday — hopefully soon! — experiencing Circus Yoga.)

We’ve been having a lot of fun and really looking forward to the return of the circus.  And so when I learned that it is possible to offer a room in your home to Circus Smirkus performers during their visit, I jumped at the chance to go a step beyond peeking backstage at the circus and actually live with the circus for four days!

Getting our cozy little house ready for visitors, however, is no small task.

While the kids are dreaming of performances and hanging out with the stars of the show, John and I are deep-cleaning bathrooms, moving furniture and making space for our kids to camp out in our room while the performers make their home in our kids’ room.

And we are all ”counting sleeps” (something we learned from one of our delightful mother’s helpers) until the circus arrives and the Goodman Family Homestead is transformed into temporary lodging for our new friends!

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celebrating 10 years

July 9, 2010 in essays+reflections, holidays + celebrations, living our dreams! | 28 comments

Ten years ago this week, John and I exchanged wedding vows in a small white chapel with peeling paint and no electricity.

We traveled to and from our ceremony by trolley and I still remember the absolute bliss of eating take-out pizza in the bouncy red trolley with wooden bench seats on our way to the reception, after four years of love and friendship, now officially husband and wife.

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July 8, 2000 ~ Photo by The Halls of Photgraphy

Yesterday we went back to the little white chapel with our children and the intention to stand on the steps and renew our wedding vows.

To our great delight we arrived as a wedding rehearsal was just ending and we were able to go inside and once again stand on the altar together.

This time with one of our children choreographing and photo-documenting the ceremony while the other clambered over wooden benches and ran circles around us.

July 8, 2010 ~ Photo by Lily

As we stood there together we laughed remembering the hours we spent carefully crafting our vows, intentionally selecting each and every word, debating at length about my desire to call each other lovers — Is it really necessary to call me your lover in front of your grandparents, Erin? — and finally agreeing to disagree (the first of many such compromises) and to each speak the truth in our hearts.

July 8, 2000 ~ Photo by The Halls of Photography

I find myself also reminiscing about the beautiful honeymoon trip we took to Nova Scotia, the rustic cabin by the ocean that was our home for one week, and the shared dream we basked in to return to the same spot, perhaps on our tenth wedding anniversary, along with the children who were but a dream themselves.

The kids decorated our mini-wedding cake with flowers from the garden.

As my heart is flooded with sweet memories, my mind also drifts to the challenging moments, the dark days that at times stretched into weeks and months, and the decision earlier this year that the tenth anniversary family vacation we once envisioned is simply not in the best interest of our family.

Yesterday we celebrated this special day together.

And later this month John and I will celebrate alone as we enjoy a second honeymoon – just the two of us for one week, with nothing but time and open road in front of us.

It feels the perfect way to honor the last 10 years, celebrate all that is right now, and step joyfully into the next chapter as we ask ourselves…

…Where do we want to go from here? 

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 Happy weekend friends..

 

{ this moment }

July 2, 2010 in farms + food, living our dreams!, photography | 22 comments

A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemama. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment to pause, savor and remember. 

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happy weekend, friends.

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calling time out

June 14, 2010 in energy management, family+career, living our dreams! | 11 comments

 

I love watching my kids when they are engrossed in play. They run like wild in this direction and that and then somewhere along the line one of them yells Time out!

And just like that, everything stops. 

They instantly switch out of their roles as dog catchers or eagles hunting for prey. Their voices change from growls and roars to casual spoken observations like, “I have to go to the pee.” or “Let’s ask Mama if we can have ice cream.”

A few minutes later someone yells Time in! and their play resumes.

I have been running like wild for weeks now.

Writing. Blogging. Teaching. Taking photos. Washing eggs. Working at the market. Organizing CSA pick-ups. Hosting parties. Hanging signs. Running workshops. Attending meetings. Returning phone calls. Writing e-mails. Learning how to milk cows. And how to write grants. Trying to figure out how to keep my family healthy, happy, fed, clothed and (at least occasionally) bathed while working long days.

Plus…Dancing. Singing. And learning to play the guitar.

Loving every moment of this dream-come-true life that I am living.

But still…Running. Running. Running.

I realized over the weekend thanks to a few fairly critical (and fairly costly) balls that were dropped and a grocery store mama-meltdown that had perfect strangers scrambling to help get me and my kids through the line and out of the store, that I need to step back and call Time out.

I can keep powering on full speed ahead – fueling myself with energy nuggets, avocados, and almonds while in constant motion – for a while. But at what cost?

This week marks the end of the school year for my children. And we have some special people to celebrate this coming weekend – namely a girl who is turning six, a Papa, who in addition to working full time himself, is absolutely rockin’ the homefront while I’m burning the midnight oil at the farm or in front of this screen, and a Grandpa, who on more than a few occasions has found himself working at a farm with his daughter or helping her to chase down random tools or parts that are needed for whatever project is top priority for the day.

Which is all just a long way of saying - something’s got to give. And this week it is the blog. I hope you all have a wonderful, peace-filled week. I’ll likely be back on Friday with a photo or two from the week. And I’ll definitely be back next week to share a special author interview and book giveaway!

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Be well friends.

at the market

June 10, 2010 in farms + food, living + learning, living our dreams! | 10 comments

The kids and I worked our first Farmers’ Market yesterday, along with my mom, who I recruited to work for Pat’s Pastured.

(Have I mentioned how awesome my mom is? Really. She is amazing.)

I couldn’t take too many pictures because I was working (and keeping an eye on my kiddos) but I did mange to snap a few shots of our first time on the other side of the Market table.

One of our next door neighbors at the market is the lovely Polly Hutchinson of Robin Hollow Farm.

Not only did Polly help us with the little details like how the heck to get our market tent down at the end of the day, she also took some time to show my children the magic of Snapdragons.

And we got to gaze at her beautiful flowers the whole time we were there!

Thanks Polly!

It was a long day that included several downpours, a good amount of head-scratching, a couple of meltdowns (both kids and their mama) and ended in me collapsing in bed at 9 p.m…

…and I can’t wait to do it again!!

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* Can any farmers / writers out there set me straight on the correct way to write Farmers Market? I have seen it as Farmer’s Market, Farmers’ Market and Farmers Market. I think the second way is correct (a market that belongs to a group of farmers) but just thought I’d ask what you all think.

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