with a little help from our friends

March 23, 2009 in at home, community, getting organized, shared work by eringoodman | 18 comments

A couple of weeks ago my dear friend and I had a late-night heart-to-heart after a series of particularly difficult days in both of our homes.

Through tears we talked about feelings of isolation and frustrations of trying to get things done around the house with limited finances and our young children often being somewhat less than helpful. Little things like cleaning up the kitchen and big things like painting the walls are just so hard to get done when you are trying to do them by yourself with little ones underfoot.

So we came up with a plan. Let’s get together every Monday. Not for a playdate (though play will happen). Not to sip tea and talk (though there will surely be plenty of that too). But the main purpose of our get-togethers will be to help each other get stuff done. To clean each other’s houses. To cook meals. To organize each other’s closets. To mend clothes. To move furniture. Whatever needs to be done.

This week we started at my house and we spent the morning catching up on each other’s lives while cleaning out and organizing my kitchen cupboards and clearing off the top of my fridge.

And this is what our children did while we were working: colored, played dress up, played out in the backyard, helped us, ate snacks, watched a movie and enjoyed frequent breaks with one of us to relax and read books.

And then we shared lunch – salads and soup for the mamas and bagels with peanut butter and sprouts for the kiddos.

And this, my friends, is how I believe in my heart we are meant to live and raise children, cooperatively and in community.

I don’t think I have ever enjoyed a Monday as much as I did today and I can honestly say, I am really looking forward to next Monday when we’ll head up to my friend’s house to dig in and help her with whatever she needs!

Tags: our village

18 comments

Hillary on March 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm

Erin, I just got chills. This is the best! I am so happy for you and I am totally going to try and duplicate this. Go mamas, Go!
Denise on March 23, 2009 at 8:05 pm

that is a really good friend. my husband and I always say that when we work on projects together it makes it so much easier and enjoyable – we just need to do it more often. What a great model for the kids to see friends helping friends. very cool.
Julie on March 23, 2009 at 8:08 pm

I think your on to something here. I’d like to give this a try too.
steadymom on March 24, 2009 at 6:22 am

What a wonderful idea. You’re right – we do need each other, and it’s not a weakness – it’s a necessity and a blessing.

Jamie
Gina L on March 24, 2009 at 6:29 am

Thank you, Erin! I just sent an email to my good friend suggesting we do that as well. It makes perfect sense and it benefits everyon involved!
Mama Bird on March 24, 2009 at 8:03 am

Your Monday sounds so much better than mine – as I was alone chasing my little chick, praying for her to nap, in hopes I could finally tackle the 10 loads of laundry piled up on my kitchen table. It’s still there today. A work/play-date might have been the answer. Thanks for the great idea.
Ashley on March 24, 2009 at 8:08 am

Absolutely brilliant, Erin! How wonderful to have that in your life.
Devon on March 24, 2009 at 8:11 am

That is an extremely awesome idea!! I love it!!
Kim on March 24, 2009 at 10:22 am

That is fabulous Erin. My sil and I have talked about this fact before. I wish we lived closer to eachother so she and I could do this same thing. I don’t know anyone here well enough to let them help me clean my messes ;)
Jenna on March 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

“Many hands make light work,” I always remind the kids…brilliant! I think you’re on to something here.
Keep up the good work!
<3
Amanda on March 24, 2009 at 5:19 pm

I completely agree intentional communities make life eaiser & better for all- especially with little ones around.
Mothering Two on March 24, 2009 at 6:51 pm

This is an awesome idea! I am so going to bring this up to my sister-friends with children. And so simple and flexible, too! Love it. Thank you for sharing. :)
Mothering Two on March 24, 2009 at 6:51 pm

PS: Heck yeah… we are suppose to live communally… no doubt…
niki on March 25, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Love this!

:)
It Feels Like Chaos on March 25, 2009 at 4:34 pm

This is so great! Yes, I really believe God did not intend for us to do this all alone! We need help for so many aspects of parenting and homemaking!
MystikMomma on March 26, 2009 at 9:24 am

I agree whole heartily that we need each other and for a long time this companionship was given by our families. However, with the advent of leaving our hometowns to find bigger and better things, work and partners, we have fragmented the family and now we know the term Nuclear Family.

OF course this transpired over years…

As a person that at one point could say, my family was there, they are no longer there for me. I desire to find a friend or two that would be so helpful and build community with me. However, my closest friends were found while I was gallivanting around the the globe and hence they are spread out over hill and dale and open sea.

It is great to see this idea in my heart played out in your post. It does work and it does create a webbing of comfort, support and trust. We need this community of like minds.
USZ on March 26, 2009 at 2:58 pm

OMG-this post made me burst into tears. Part of my treasure map (my first btw thanks to you) is to hopefully be back to a place where I have my support net again. I never thought that I’d be in a place where I have no close friends or confidants within a driving distance to me, I never thought I’d be mothering in virtual loneliness. If I were back where I want to live, this is exactly what I’d be doing with my friends-how we always were. I am just feeling a lot of raw emotion around not having my “created family” of dear friends nearby.

Here’s to my treasure map bringing THAT treasure to my life again!
Julianna on March 27, 2009 at 8:25 am

I always feel it in terms of Evolution…homo sapien has NEVER raised children in isolation…for however-many MILLIONS of years we have done it in community. We are not biologically programed to do this alone – no social species is (and they don’t…only WE do).

I was in the Amazon once, in a small little village, and it struck me that the 10 year old girls were the ones herding the babes, and all the kids were in a big pack. I don’t remember what the adults were doing – just that there was a group of older kids raising the rest of the kids – carrying the babies, monitoring the toddlers etc. No one person was doing it alone.

And looking back, I realize this is how it’s been done forEVER. And that’s why it feels so unnatural to us, that’s why it’s such a struggle…because neither kid nor adult were meant to do this in isolation.

So hooray for you, Erin, for reminding us that there are ways around the frustration that everyone seems to be feeling. And although the people reading and responding to this blog aren’t a physical community, it seems to me that you’ve created it into a virtual one!!!