Outside looking in.
* * * * *
Last night was a ‘perfect storm’ of bad nights in our house.
Near the end of a challenging week.
With two children who are a bit “under the weather.”
And a number of significant transitions happening in our world.
And I will admit that sometimes when I feel this energy, I don’t stop it.
I want to yell. I want to slam doors. I want the people around me to hear and feel how angry and frustrated I am.
But I never like how it feels the second the yelling stops. The second I look into the eyes of those I love and see the hurt I’ve caused.
And so last night, when it felt like I was on a speeding train, careening out of control and heading towards that tunnel of darkness, I did something very powerful:
I jumped off.
I turned off everything on the stove. Walked out the back door. And gave myself a little “Time Out” on our back deck.
And as I stood there, I met myself with compassion.
I took deep breaths and looked up at the sky.
(If you have not yet read this blog post on self compassion by Allison Abramson, I urge you to do so — it is very powerful.)
I stood there until I felt the tension and anger leave my body, until I felt back in control and capable of handling myself with some measure of grace and dignity.
I didn’t solve any of the issues that are causing tension in our family. I didn’t magically manifest the key ingredient for our dinner that was missing.
But I did clear my head and come back to my Center.
And that made all the difference in the world.
Happy Friday, my friends.
Love + Light . . .
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
mmmm… I feel the depth of this, the power, the healing here. Oh, my I have had days like this, yes. And I see your day and feel it and am so glad you could come back to center in that moment. <3
Yes yes yes. I feel that grown ups need time outs as much as, if not more than, the kiddos do. Karen Maezen Miller talks about this, about having a designated “mama time out” chair. (I have one.) Bonus points if it’s outside! This also reminds me of Pema Chodron’s teachings on shenpa, about recognizing the itch and pausing before indulging in the urge to scratch. “Don’t underestimate the power of a simple pause.” Lord knows I try. :)
nice work, friend! i had one of those days yesterday too. (i wonder what was up with the stars or planets??) i love this idea of an adult time out. i am going to keep that exercise in my pocket!
Terrific post Erin.
YES! Time out under the sky, with eyes focusing off towards the horizon. Getting back to Center.
Thank you for inviting in grace. It makes a difference- for all of us.